Deciding to come out was one of the most difficult decisions I’ve ever had to make. With dealing with people not understanding, bigots, people who feel it’s not natural. Coming out for me was natural. I had and inkling in the back of my head that I was attracted to men since I was very young. I can remember in 2nd grade I had a crush on a 5th grade teacher. I remember telling myself in middle school that it was just a phase. Because in elementary school I didn’t know what it meant to be gay or straight, for me it just seemed more natural to be attracted to men.
My very first boyfriend was on the swim team with me in high school. On the bus ride home from one of our biggest meets I sat next to him. I saw him type something in his phone. He showed it to me. It said, “Hey can I ask you something?”
I texted him back, “Yessir?”
“You have to promise not to get mad.”
“I wont get mad,” I texted back.
“Well, I think I like you.” He had a petrified look in his face like he had just seen a ghost.
“Well I like you too.”
That’s where it all began. It wasn’t a me in my head saying okay today I’m not gonna like girls. It was nothing like that. It was more of a, “I can finally be myself” kind of moment.
Later that week I decided to tell my mom. It was Friday, pizza night at home, and I told my mom I had something to tell her. So we go sit down in the family room and I try to say it, but then realized I wasn’t able to talk. So I found a piece of paper and a pen and wrote: “I’m gay, I’m in a relationship with Jordan on the swim team.”
She replied, “ Can we talk about this?”
“What’s there to talk about?”
“Well I just feel like you’ve liked girls before and you’ve been with them before. Why all of the sudden??”
“Mom I’ve liked guys for as long as I can remember. It’s just like right now I’m able to be who I am and not feel like I have to hide anymore.”
“I just don’t want you to be one of those people around the circle in R.E.N.T.”
After things had settled down and she had stopped crying everything else seemed smooth, minus my brother’s little freak out about it. He had been reading my IM’s with a friend from school over my shoulder. The last IM he saw said, “You should really date him!”
My brother said, “What the HELL does that mean,” as he pointed at the screen.
